


wedding at macy's

by stover



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cute Kids, Gravity Malfunction, Kids Fake Marrying, M/M, Stuck Floating in Air, broganes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 19:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15371337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stover/pseuds/stover
Summary: While waiting for Coran to fix the gravity settings in the castleship, Lance shares a very interesting story about the time he got married in the jewelry section at a Macy's.





	wedding at macy's

**Author's Note:**

> [Based on a tumblr prompt.](http://s-tover.tumblr.com/post/163077628390/okay-so-like-imagine-keith-and-lance-meeting-like)

“Truth or dare?”

Everyone groans.

“Ugh.” “Lance, no.” “Stop it.” “Take this seriously!“ “Dare.”

Four pairs of eyes turn to the big guy floating at the center of the training deck. Of course it’s Hunk.

Hunk looks hesitantly at everyone else. Then, he shrugs. “What? It’s not like we have anything better to do until Coran figures out a way to turn the gravity back on.”

Pidge frowns. “Yeah, but why’d you choose dare?”

Lance answers this one. “Uhhhh, because only wusses like Keith don’t pick dare?”

At this, Keith sends Lance a narrow-eyed look. “We can’t even move freely in this room,” he scoffs. “It took us all half an hour just to get Coran out the room through the vents.”

They consider this for a moment, reflecting on the ridiculous acrobatics they’d pulled (throwing and kicking one another across the room). In the end, they were able to get Coran to the vents in the left corner of the room. The last they heard him, it sounded like he had some degree of success in getting to the next room. 

“Besides,” Keith continues, “What dares are we even gonna be able to do if we can’t even stay in one place for five minutes?”

The other paladins responded enthusiastically.

“Booger sculpting.” “Roasting contests.” “Farting on demand—” “—and guessing the person’s last meal.” “Burping the Altean National Anthem.”

Everyone looks at Allura.

Allura crosses her arms and turns her head with a huff. “Oh, please. My idea is hardly the worst of the bunch.” She looks to Shiro with a flat look. “Sculpting pieces of dried mucus sounds absolutely revolting.”

Shiro just gives a non-committal shrug. Then, he notices the looks of disbelief, mild disgust, and surprised curiosity from the other paladins. He adopts a defensive look. “What? Kids do weird things all the time. Keith used to kiss male mannequins whenever our parents dragged us shopping for clothes because he wanted to ‘practice’ for when he got married.”

Keith looks scandalized. “What?! Shiro!”

Hunk and Pidge explode with laughter, slapping their thighs and hollering things like  _“Are you serious?!”_  and  _“I can’t believe it!”_

Nearby, Lance laughs so hard he starts to tear up and choke on air. “Oh my god, oh my _god!_  How old were you?!”

Shiro opens his mouth to answer, but gets cut off by Keith.

“Don’t  _tell_  him,” Keith hisses. “I can’t believe you told them something like that!”

“Sorry,” Shiro says, sounding and looking genuine in his apology. “I didn’t think you’d be this upset by it.”

Hunk and Pidge tone down their amusement enough to send giggly apologies. By the time the meek-sounding apologies are made, Lance is still snickering away.

Allura frowns at him, looking like she wants to flick one of her earrings at his forehead like she’d done earlier that day after Lance tried to get her to call Shiro  _papi chulo._ “Well,” she says, turning to Keith with a warm smile, “ _I_  think that was very sweet of you, Keith. Whoever your partner will be, they’ll be very lucky to have you by their side.”

Keith doesn’t reply; instead, he stews in silence, turning away from the rest of the group and crossing his arms.

Allura rolls her eyes and sends Shiro a ‘Disappointed Look.’ Shiro looks back and forth between Allura and Keith, looking mildly distressed.

Finally, Lance butts in. “Oh, suck it up, will ya? It’s not like it’s the end of the world. Here, I’ll share an embarrassing story from when I was a kid.”

“Whoo!” Hunk cheers.

“Aight, here it is. So, when I was  _real_  little — like, two or something — I kissed some girl at, like, a Macy’s in front of the jewelry displays by the men’s suits. And, like, we got married and stuff. Not really, but you know how kids play pretend all the time, right? It was like that.”

Pidge cups her hands around her mouth. “Boooo,” she says, pointing her thumb downwards, “That’s not  _embarrassing_ -embarrassing. That’s just cute-embarrassing.”

Lance scowls. “Hold up, I’m not done yet. Anyway… So me and this girl are holdin’ hands and walkin’ around, and we’re lookin’ at, like, the rings and we’re pickin’ shit out and whatever — ‘cause, you know, we’re married, right? And then my mom comes and tries to grab me and go.

“So, me being me, I pitch a fit and start bawlin’ my eyes out. Like, a category 5 hurricane-level bawling. Snot dripping from my nose and me screaming and everything. And I’m like, ‘No, mami, please, I got married,’ but my mom’s just, like, freakin’ out that  _I’m_  freakin’ out, ‘cause apparently I didn’t articulate words real well back then so she had no idea what the hell I was saying.”

Lance then spreads his hands out in front of his team, who were now all listening to him with rapt attention. “So, picture this—” he says, “You’re working at a Macy’s, mindin’ your own business, maybe a little bored outta your mind ‘cause nobody’s really around. You see a Hispanic woman holding a kid, who’s screamin’ and kickin’ and everything. Whaddya do?”

“Oh my god,” says Pidge, her eyes wide.

Hunk whistles. “Daaaamn, bro. That’s killer.”

“I’m so sorry,” says Shiro. “That’s horrible. Your mom must’ve been devastated.”

Allura looks amongst the paladins with the look of someone completely out of the loop. Finally, she sighs. “I don’t get it.”

“They called the cops,” Lance says, shrugging when Allura gasps. “They thought she was kidnappin’ me or somethin’, and called the cops. My dad had to come with birth certificates, marriage licenses, and all the works to prove I was their own kid.” He folds his arms behind his head and leans back like he were reclining on a sofa. “So, yeah. That’s my story, Keith. Like, you over there right now worryin’ and whatever about kissin’ mannequins when you was young — Well, at least you didn’t get your own mom arrested.”

Hunk reaches out with his hand and moves his leg up, looking at if he were about to go over to give Lance a consoling pat. But he abruptly stops because they were still floating up in the air. Hunk’s face falls, then fills with mild irritation. 

Nearby, Shiro crosses his arms, a sudden thoughtful look coming on his face.

“You good?” Hunk asks.

“Yeah, just—” Shiro stops and frowns. “I just had the strangest sense of deja vu right now. Like I’ve heard that story somewhere before.”

“Oh, word?” says Lance. “Maybe I told you some of it when we went to that cloud planet for that alien wedding.” Lance sits up suddenly, looking both shocked and crushed. “My wedding!” he cries. “My  _wife!_  Damn! I lost my own wife at Macy’s. Man, I was a hot mess even at two years old.” Lance shakes his head.  _“Damn._  And she was cute, too.” 

Pidge snorts. “You were two, what do you know?”

“Hey, hey, hey—” Lance points a finger in her direction. “Let’s be real, now. I got good taste when it comes to spotting hotties. Right, Keith? He knows what I’m talking about — It’s about the only thing we can agree on.”

Keith still doesn’t respond.

Lance tries again.  _“Right,_  Keith?”

Still nothing. Keith doesn’t even turn around to face the rest of the group.

“Keith.  _Keith.”_

“Lance,” says Shiro sternly, “leave him alone—”

_“Keeeeeeeeeith—”_

“Augh, I don’t  _know_  Lance,” Keith grits out. “Stop talking. You’re getting on my nerves.”

The team quiets down. And they all stare at Keith. Because, while it wasn’t unknown for Keith to be snappish with Lance, it was unknown for Keith to be—

“Dude,” Lance squints his eyes, “Are you  _blushing?”_

Keith turns around at last, his face red and eyes flashing. “When we get down, I’m gonna  _kick—”_

Like magic, gravity returns to the ship. The entire team screams, crashing to the ground.

Allura falls on top of Hunk, whose foot nearly knocks out all the teeth in Shiro’s mouth. Pidge ends up on her back, with Lance’s leg having pounded into her stomach. They groan, all sorts of pain and soreness blooming on their bodies.

“I’m dead,” says Shiro.

“Ugh, I think my leg’s broken!”

“Your  _leg?”_  Pidge wheezed, rolling to the side and clutching her stomach, almost in tears. “I think you just made my pancreas stab my liver.”

“Ditto,” Hunk groans, “Except it’s my lungs with my ribs.”

“I’m sorry!” Allura squeaks, getting off. “Is— Is everyone all right? Should I set up one of the pods?”

“Probably,” Shiro grunts, rolling to his side. “Lance, how’s your leg?”

“I—” Lance winces. “I seriously think it’s broken, guys.”

“Uh, I can’t move my wrist,” says Pidge. “Also, I might have internal bleeding.”

“I’m— I’m pretty good,” Hunk says, getting up slowly. “What about you, Keith?”

The door to the training room suddenly swishes open, and no one is surprised when they see Keith sprinting out.

“Oh,” Shiro says, a look of recognition crossing his face as he turns to the rest of the team. “I guess I  _did_ hear that story before.”

The team looks at Shiro. They look at the door. Then, everyone turns to look at Lance. 

Lance’s brow creases as he stares back at them, then looks again at the door, and then back again to the rest of his team. “I don’t get it.”

They groan. “Oh, come on!” “Really?” “Even _I_  got it!” “It was so obvious.”

Lance scowls. “I’m dealing with a broken leg, here! C’mon, help a buddy out.”

Pidge steeples her fingers and presses them against her lips. “Let’s just say… You just lost your wife for a second time.”

Lance blinks. He opens his mouth, closes it. Furrows his brows. Stares at the door. And then, slowly, his brow smooths out and he turns to Shiro, looks him dead in the face, and says,

“I still don’t get it.”

“Oh my god.” "Fucking  _hell.”_  “Lance, bro.” “You can’t be  _serious.”_  


End file.
